Sunday, August 30, 2009

Trust God and Love People!

This slogan has tremendous power to move us in the direction of trusting people again after the hurt of living with someone whose illness has resulted in so many lies and so much pain.

Trust God and Love People means trust people to be themselves and trust God to walk us through life on life's terms.

If we feel we have to be able to trust people to take care of us, we will be disappointed. But, if we trust that people will be themselves and God will give us the inner strength to walk through whatever happens in our lives, then we can trust both God and other people.

People won't always treat me the way I want to be treated or do what I want them to do. They will be themselves. I can trust them for that and I can trust the God within them to help them become who they are meant to be, and that alone. And that is enough.

God won't always make my troubles go away or fix my issues. If I expect Him to, I will be sorely disappointed. But He will always dry my tears and give me the ability to handle whatever life brings my way. He will give me the sanity to see and experience life in a totally new way. He will give me peace, love, joy, knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out. I can trust Him for that and that is enough.
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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Live and Let Live

Is the addict in your life slowly but surely taking over your life? Do you find yourself doing more and more for him or her? Are you lending/giving them money and not having anything left for yourself? Are you having to leave work early? Leave your phone on during important meetings "just in case" you hear from them or otherwise twisting your life around theirs in ways that are getting more and more uncomfortable?

If so, read my new report LIVE and Let Live.

You can receive this report for free by going to my and filling out the contact form. You will receive your FREE copy of this valuable report within 48 hours!

Don't miss it! It's got information and ideas that will help you AND may even help your addict!

Until then in recovery,

Recovery Coach Bev

PS: After you read it, come back to the blog and write a comment to let me know how it hit you OR, if you prefer privacy, send me an email at

All the Best!
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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

How Important Is It?

In the middle of a crisis, the question 'How Important Is It?' can really come in handy if you want to lower the situation's emotional temperature. To use it most effectively, breathe in slowly and then breathe out and ask yourself, 'How important is it? Does it effect my breathing?' If the answer is yes, the problem is a big one. If the answer is no, it simply is NOT that important.

But, in all honesty, unless you've done some preparation to keep calm in a crisis, you may find your breathing affected, not because the situation is killing you, but because you've blown the problem out of perspective. The last time I shared the Alanon/Naranon 'How Important Is It?' slogan with someone, we were talking about taking the trash out and the fact that her daughter wouldn't.
"When she doesn't, I get so upset that I can't breathe," the mom shared.

So, let's look at this more carefully. Is the slogan 'How Important Is It?' useful for turning down the temperature of a difficult situation or not?

Breathing of course, is automatic and necessary. The more deeply and slowly we breathe, the calmer we are able to stay, regardless of whether the issue is taking the trash out or watching a loved one slowly or quickly kill themselves with drugs or alcohol. Yet, when a crisis hits, the first thing we often do is panic and stop breathing.

That's why it is said that peace lies not in controlling what happens to us, but rather in whether we respond or react. In other words, we can breathe through the situation, slowly and calmly, as we collect our thoughts and decide how we will respond, or we can react with panic, anger or fear, which will make our breath shallow, our muscles tense, and our minds upset.

Dr. Fred Jones, a teacher of mine, once put it succinctly: "Calm is power. Upset is weakness."

By putting aside 5-10 or even 20-30 minutes each day to develop a calm center of power within ourselves through prayer, meditation, journaling and/or reading inspirational books, blogs, or articles, we are in effect preparing ourselves for those large and small crises that inevitably grace the lives of those affected by a loved one's addiction (and everyone else for that matter). It all starts with the breath - Once we develop a calm presence, we will truly know the difference between what IS important, and what is NOT!

Until next time, keep breathing and let me hear from you!

Recovery Coach Bev
786 859 4050