Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Holiday Tips for YOUR Sanity - Regardless of the Addict's Choices

As we move into the holiday season, here are some coaching questions to ask yourself. If you find it useful in helping you stay sane throughout the festivities, spend some time journaling your answers to these Four Foundations of Family Recovery questions).

  • In what ways are you taking really good care of yourself so that no matter what happens you are feeling sane, happy and relaxed throughout the weekend? (In answer to this question, consider the four aspects of self care: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.)
  • How could you improve your self care this weekend to increase the peace in your mind and thus, in your home?
  • How have you prepared to be a loving person this holiday season, to yourself and others? (Being a loving person includes treating your loved ones, whether addicted or not, with dignity and respect. It also means being kind to yourself both by taking care of yourself and by not allowing yourself to be treated badly. It also means not doing for others what they can do for themselves. It also includes learning the skills of mirroring. Mirroring is all about learning how to give your addict honest, non-judgmental feedback on what you see (be careful with this one. Tone is crucial.)
  • What boundaries have you set to make YOUR life easier, freer, lighter, saner? Remember, your motives for setting a boundary are just as important, if not more important than the actual boundaries you set. If you are setting a boundary to control your addict, everyone loses. It just doesn't work. But if you are setting a boundary for your own benefit, safety and comfort, THAT is a motive destined to work. Of course, don't set any boundary that you are unwilling to follow through with.
  • What kinds of support do you have in place to make all of this work? Do you have your meetings all lined up? Have you found a family recovery coach to help you learn how to do all of this (while it may be too late for Thanksgiving, Christmas is just around the corner but there is still time)? Do you read recovery literature to help you put it all in perspective and get yourself to cooperate with your best intentions? (There are Alanon phone meetings 4 times a day and sometimes ongoing during holidays. Go to for more information. Also check out and .
If you would like to learn how to put the Four Foundations of Family Recovery into place in YOUR life so you can increase YOUR inner peace and give your addicts a better chance of recovery, send me an email to learn more about the offerings that can help you do just that. I'll send you my brochure, an overview of my Four Foundations of Family Recovery course, and information on my upcoming book The Four Foundations of Family Recovery: Simple Ideas to Transform Chaos to Sanity. You can reach me at or give me a call at 786 859 4050.

Breathe through each moment my friends. Just that one thing: slowly, softly, deeply, breathing will help you calm down regardless of other people's decisions! 
If I can help, let me know!

All the best, 

Coach Bev

Beverly A. Buncher, MA, CEC, CLPF
Family Recovery Coach
Author of the forthcoming book 
The Four Foundations of Family Recovery: Simple Ideas to Transform Chaos to Sanity
786 859 4050website: